holding-handsThe family as a unit and as a frame for our development as human beings, has had a bit of a comeback within the frame of Catholic thinking, in fact the synod that is currently under way has a lot of promise on this area. You have to stay in your A-game. Do what you are best at, we are best at this. The intimacy between family members are the foundation under any sound society, and the better we are at supporting this holy institution the better the world will be.

Off cause I have discussed this theoretic issue with myself a lot. In the beginning I must say it was mostly theoretical, but after I have made a smallish family of myself, It has been time to use all the theory in practice. Some of the theories I had were good, others did not work.

One of the truly interesting things about family, is the fact that it is a small nation in itself. All the theory of peacemaking and progress you usually apply to the well being of the nation is one to one applicable to the family. In my family we discuss too much. My wife is headstrong and idealistic, and I am as well. We truly love each other, but we seem, both of us, to have all the answers. So we fight for our version of the truth. This brings a lot of progress for both of us, but often it is too much, and the atmosphere is sometimes not too good. So as a principle we always make peace at sunday. We need one day to regain our strength for the next week to come, and have some time together and especially be together with Rakel. This may seem very simple, but at the end to the day, it is important to respect the holy days, so that we do get the rest we need.

Then the other basic realization I have made, is the realization, that you cannot fake in your family. Often you keep your guards up in public, you do not show all of yourself. In family this does not work, you have to be able to show all of yourself. Not just the sides you wish to show, but also the sides you may not want people to know. This calls for a lot of heart and acceptance of all of family members. Everybody have their ups and downs, and we carry around burdens and old scars. This has to be accepted in a family, you have to accept the past of your wife or husband, and live with it.

The most important however is the connection you have with your loved ones. It should be nurtured and kept sound. We start out our relationship in love and fascination. We dance and we live on a pink sky. But when the days turn to months, and the months turn to years, you still have to feel that connection. This is the inner bond, the I and You, the love that should always be kept alive. Some of us are torn by old memories and have monsters to fight, but that little door that you once opened, should be opened again and a again. To show that inner core of yours, that may be hurt again and again, but only will live, if it is recognized by someone else.

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